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Allen Smith is an award-winning writer living in Oceanside, California and has published thousands of articles for print, the web and social media.


And we liked it!

Photo courtesy of FirstPost

I don’t like things the way they are now. I wished they’d go back to the way they was. We’ve gotten too dang soft. We coddle our younguns and blame everbody but ourselves for our troubles. In my day, we took stock of our own lives, and we liked it!


You too can become filthy rich by crafting exciting police, courtroom, and crime scene investigation television dramas

Courtesy Wallpaperflare

Prosecutor: “You killed her, didn’t you!”

Defendant: “No, no. I’m innocent.”

Prosecutor: “Admit it. Your DNA was all over the maid!”

Defendant: “Alright, alright. I did it. Now, please. Let go of my throat.”

There’s no secret to writing riveting screenplays for television. I should know. I’ve written thousands of…


Shut the lights off when you leave. I won’t be back

Courtesy Walt Disney Corporation

Even though I’m already straddling the age when men start dropping like flies, I still haven’t drawn up a will. If I suddenly meet with my demise, no one will know what do to with all my earthly belongings after I’m dead. So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to…


And take my ten-pound bag of clumped together ice cubes with you

Credit: Tetra Images/Getty Images

Me: I’d like to return this bag of ice cubes.

Walmart: Yes, sir. I’m sorry to hear that your Walmart purchase wasn’t satisfactory. Do you have your receipt?

M: Yes, it’s right here.

W: Fine. Now, what was it you want to return?

M: A bag of ice cubes.



Large Asian serpents join feral hogs, swamp rats and maggots on restaurant menus

Photo by KoolShooters from Pexels

Daisy slithered out the back door last night. Just like her uncle Bert did during the summer of ’79.

If it weren’t for the fact that she’s an adorable eighteen-foot-long Burmese python weighing nearly 300 pounds, none of Daisy’s neighbors probably would have cared. …


Make sure you read the brochure before you go

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

“It’s about time you got here,” said God.

“Sorry, man. I would have been here earlier, but there was a humongous traffic accident on I-70 on my way out of town. Actually, it was MY accident, but you probably already know that.”

He did. After all, he was God.



But you’ll have to read it to find out

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

I hate commercials. Thirty seconds after you watch them, you can’t remember who made them or what they were about. But I do have to admit that Rocket Mortgage™ has me hooked.

The mortgage company’s recent spate of commercials featuring actor/comedian Tracy Morgan touts, “When it comes to home buying…


What to do when you’re too young, inept and lazy to feed yourself

Photo courtesy of General Mills

As a rambunctious kid growing up in southern California, I was lucky enough to live at home under the loving dictatorship of two middle-income parents. …


The International Olympic Committee announces the new line-up of events for the Paris 2024 Olympic Games!

Photo courtesy of @knelle via Instagram

Lausanne, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee (IOC) stunned the sports world this week by announcing that beginning with the 2024 Summer Olympic Games in Paris, France, they will be changing the line-up of some of the more traditional summer events in favor of newer, more exciting competitions meant to…


An award-winning author shares how to find humor in everything you write

Photo by Tim Hüfner on Unsplash

Every year after winning the Pulitzer Prize for humor, I’m besieged with questions from new writers about how I went about writing my award-winning humor pieces. They run the gamut from “What in the world were you thinking?” to “Were you drunk when you wrote that?”

So, to clear up…

Allen R Smith

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