Allen Smith is an award-winning writer living in Oceanside, California and has published thousands of articles for print, the web and social media.

Fast Food/Humor

And other lurid adventures from the fast food industry

Photo courtesy of steven-universe.fandom.com

“Put yer back into it! Make sure yeh reach waaaaay back and git that cruller behin’ the rear wheels of the ‘frigerator, next to the cockroach.”

And, so began the summer of ’66. I was looking for something to tide me over until high school graduation when the Navy planned…

NEW WRITING

Spittlestoat, catenaliggette and other secrets behind mastering the new age of contemporary writing

Courtesy: Writing in the Digital Age by Alexa Boccia

Five minutes after signing the contract, I dropped to the floor, gasping for air. Next to being waterboarded as a Vietnam POW, I could tell that editing this manuscript was going to be the most horrendous experience of my life:

Inquiring my well-wishers, which is the deadliest mistake as inherently…

CRIME DRAMA/HUMOR

You too can become filthy rich by crafting exciting police, courtroom, and crime scene investigation television dramas

Courtesy Wallpaperflare

Prosecutor: “You killed her, didn’t you!”

Defendant: “No, no. I’m innocent.”

Prosecutor: “Admit it. Your DNA was all over the maid!”

Defendant: “Alright, alright. I did it. Now, please. Let go of my throat.”

There’s no secret to writing riveting screenplays for television. I should know. I’ve written thousands of…

DEATH AND PUBLICITY

Shut the lights off when you leave. I won’t be back

Courtesy Walt Disney Corporation

Even though I’m already straddling the age when men start dropping like flies, I still haven’t drawn up a will. If I suddenly meet with my demise, no one will know what do to with all my earthly belongings after I’m dead. So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to…

CONSUMERS/HUMOR

And take my ten-pound bag of clumped together ice cubes with you

Credit: Tetra Images/Getty Images

Me: I’d like to return this bag of ice cubes.

Walmart: Yes, sir. I’m sorry to hear that your Walmart purchase wasn’t satisfactory. Do you have your receipt?

M: Yes, it’s right here.

W: Fine. Now, what was it you want to return?

M: A bag of ice cubes.

W…

FINE DINING/HUMOR

Large Asian serpents join feral hogs, swamp rats and maggots on restaurant menus

Photo by KoolShooters from Pexels

Daisy slithered out the back door last night. Just like her uncle Bert did during the summer of ’79.

If it weren’t for the fact that she’s an adorable eighteen-foot-long Burmese python weighing nearly 300 pounds, none of Daisy’s neighbors probably would have cared. …

Advertising/humor

But you’ll have to read it to find out

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

I hate commercials. Thirty seconds after you watch them, you can’t remember who made them or what they were about. But I do have to admit that Rocket Mortgage™ has me hooked.

The mortgage company’s recent spate of commercials featuring actor/comedian Tracy Morgan touts, “When it comes to home buying…

Allen R Smith

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